[IC] Inbox @ deerington

[princessences]

❝ You have reached Allura. I'm sorry to have missed your call, but please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. ❞

[ deerlyBeloved ]

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Comments

[tagartist]

He's my spirit animal. I mean uh - besides the... other one, I guess. [ It's easy to forget the ghostly, floating images of a stupid butterfly when everyone else had things that were so cool.

She nods at her words though, going to hug the stuffed animal to her chest absentmindedly as she looks at the bag with the boxes in it.

Ugh. ]

Yeah. Never thought I'd have to do this of all things, but Deerington is always full of surprises.

[princessences]

You received a horse?

[ Yeah, that's another idiom of internet culture that Allura really doesn't understand. Why would she? Her spirit animal is a lion. How fitting.

Chloe does get a sympathetic look at that. Allura starts to take off her coat. ]

I thought we would get the most assurance from performing multiple tests. Do you need any assistance with these?

[ Not that she can help Chloe pee on them... ]

[tagartist]

What? [ A beat. OH. ] No, it was a butterfly. [ She really needed to stop and think about why Allura might get confused when she spoke, but instead she just gets confused by her confusion. ]

Pretty sure it's a solo-project. [ A beat. ] But you could like. Wait outside the door or something.

[princessences]

I'm not sure what that is.

[ But she would definitely like it once she did realize. ]

I can certainly do that.

[ She takes a moment to lay her coat on the nearest available chair before standing with her hands clasped together in front of her. ]

Please lead the way.

[tagartist]

A butterfly? [ Chloe pauses before she shrugs off her hoodie to show her full tattoo and pushes the tank top strap out of the way so she can point to the butterflies on her shoulder. ] These.

[ She goes to head towards the stairs though, making her way to the bathroom on the second floor and just praying Eddie does not come home anytime soon. Let her luck not be that bad.

She kicks the door closed behind her, letting it stay open just a crack so she can still hear Allura alright though. ]

... This sucks, by the way. I'd be really shitty mom material.

[princessences]

[ Allura blinks, not quite sure where this is going, then--oh! ]

Oh, it's lovely.

[ Whether she means the butterfly, specifically, or the whole tattoo is up to Chloe to decide.

She follows quietly, taking the time to give the house a glance over as they make their way to the upstairs bathroom. She opts to lean against the wall outside, glancing down the hallway. ]

Why do you say that?

[tagartist]

Yeah, they've always been one of my favorite animals. [ She clearly assumed she meant the butterfly.

She's quiet at first, focusing her attention on opening the boxes and staring at the instructions like they're written in Greek for a moment. This is all stupidly intimidating, somehow. Her confidence in not being able to get pregnant in a dream is a little shaken in the heat of it. ]

I uh... I can barely take care of myself, let alone a whole other person. I'd fuck a kid up.

[princessences]

[ Allura finds that curious, though she allows a thoughtful silence for fall between them for just a moment. ]

While I believe that should be a decision made carefully, I don't believe that you're being very fair to yourself. Do you not see how your kindness and care has touched others? Eddie? My team?

[tagartist]

[ That leaves her quiet for a moment and she takes the awkward silence as a time to turn on the water so it will both help and also muffle any sounds of her peeing, thank you. ]

I've also seen how my extreme fuck ups have hurt people. Angela, Max, Eddie, Lance, K-- [ Mmmm, her throat chokes around his name and she has to close her eyes. ] Keith... The list is pretty long.

[princessences]

[ She doesn't know the extent that Chloe thinks she might have hurt them, but Allura does understand what it means to hurt someone you care about. ]

And yet these are all people who still care about you. Do you believe they care without reason?

[tagartist]

[ Well, the fully honest answer of yeah, she does, sounds kind of heartless when she thinks it. Maybe it’s downgrading her friendships, but she also never knows when people really care, or when they pretend to because it’s convenient for them. ]

… I don’t know.

[princessences]

[ Allura exhales slowly out of her nose and turns her gaze up to the ceiling. How does she put this without sounding preachy or patronizing? Allura does know she has a habit of that. ]

I am in no place to tell you how you must conduct yourself, but I do know something of questioning my worthiness in the face of what I believed to be a mistake, or betrayal.

[ To be honest, she wouldn't have thought poorly of Keith at all if he decided he would be better off without her in his life. ]

I am still struggling with accepting forgiveness, but I do not get to decide whether someone forgives me. Those who are wronged make that choice and it is, perhaps, because they feel that the relationship and care is more important than what has happened. Our inability to comprehend the forgiveness speaks more of our inability to forgive ourselves than others. People love you. And even if you may not understand why in your darker moments, to turn that away would certainly be worse.

[tagartist]

Is it?

[ She's not sure anymore. Love has led her to those dark places. It's torn her apart over and over without even the relationships that caused it left there at the end of the day to make it worth it. How long would it be before Max left again? Before everyone start to trickle home, like they had at Reims? ]

... This conversation probably further proves why I definitely shouldn't have a kid.

[ A small sigh. ]

You can come in if you want. It's just a waiting game at this point.

[princessences]

It's what I tell myself.

[ Which is probably less reassuring than she intends it to be.

There's a pause before Allura turns around the doorframe, slowly pushing the door fully open before she peeks inside. ]

How long do we wait?

[tagartist]

[ She shuts off the running water and is just sitting down on the edge of the bathtub when Allura comes in. Of course, sitting still feels fucking impossible in general, so she can't stop her leg from bouncing and her fingers from fidgeting as she tries. ]

Three minutes. Give or take. This has got to be the longest waiting game of my entire life.

[princessences]

[ Allura nods, taking a seat across from Chloe on the edge of the bathtub. ]

Here, give me your hands.

[tagartist]

[ She looks a little confused, but she also apparently can't say no to Allura, so she offers out her hands. ]

[princessences]

[ Allura takes Chloe's hands in her own, placing them palm to palm. Slowly a warmth builds between them, tactile, as well as a soft white glow. The crescents on Allura's cheeks follow suit. ]

[tagartist]

[ This is... normal. Totally normal. Definitely not weird in the slightest.

.......... ]

The fuck?

[ An eloquent inquiry for clarity, brought to you by Chloe Elizabeth Price. ]

[princessences]

[ It's the most normal thing possible in Deerington, to be honest. ]

It's quintessence.

[ She says plainly. ]

I did tell you that I would show you someday, didn't I? If you concentrate your own, it can be very relaxing.

[tagartist]

Shit. I totally forgot about that.

[ She's still staring at their hands in curiosity, at least. It's safe to say she's never seen anything like it. ]

How do I, uh... do that, exactly?

[princessences]

You have light and warmth inside you, Chloe.

[ She wiggles her fingers. ]

Close your eyes.

[ Allura closes her eyes as well. ]

You may not be able to see it right away, but you can picture it. It exists from the tips of your toes to the tips of ears. It may be stronger in some places than others and that's natural. Can you feel it?

[tagartist]

[ Chloe closes her eyes as told, taking a breath and trying to picture this light and warmth inside of her like she said. It kind of reminds her of the times people have tried to get her to meditate. She’s never been very good at that. Feeling what’s inside her, focusing on some abstract thing.

She’s trying though. Really. Focusing on the warmth of Allura’s hands first and maybe there’s... something? Possibly? She kind of feels it in her gut.

But — ]

... All I feel is hungry.

[ She’s a dumbass, Allura. ]

[princessences]

[ Mediation isn't far off--it does take quite a bit of self-control and concentration to get things right. But to Chloe's credit, Allura does laugh, which causes a ripple in her own quintessence and a slight, light tickle against Chloe's hands. ]

Here, how about you listen to mine instead?

[ In contrast to how her laughter had been a tickle, Allura pushes her own quintessence forward towards the other girl. It's slow, but warm, like feeling the sun on one's skin in the height of spring. But more than just warmth is a tinge of intent. Allura's is simple--demonstration, yes, but also reassurance. This was meant as an exercise to give Chloe something else to concentrate on, after all, and Chloe will get a small pulse of non-verbal emotion, simple but clear.

This is how it's done and everything will be alright. ]

[tagartist]

[ She can't help the look of surprise at the tickle on her hands, arms flinching like she was going to pull back on instinct but settling again just as quickly. That was weird - not in a bad way, but still something new.

She nods at her suggestion, though - and as she felt the warmth, and more importantly the comfort, her shoulders relaxed slightly, a small smile on her face.

Oh. ]

... That's really cool.